Today, I feel abandoned

Phew. This week has been a whirlwind. I retract back to reality feeling a bit shaken, but kind of, in a good way. Embracing solitude. Gobbling up books and then lying around thinking about them, letting them sink in. Realizing that my boss could be certifiably insane; honestly, I could fill an entire blog about this woman, and the time I am forced to spend with her, and people would read it, more people than read this, and then, perhaps, one day, this entire charade will be adapted into a Meryl Streep film, in which Anne Hathaway will play me. I fucking hate Anne Hathaway. No, this isn't true. She is just, so loud.

Today is my ex boyfriend's birthday. I didn't think it would bother me, but then I remembered what day it was, and thought about where he is, how and with whom he is possibly celebrating, and it depressed me to have come up empty handed. I don't know what his life is like now, and he is bitter and cold when he sees me, and there is nothing I can do. Yesterday I didn't care, and I'd like to go back to that.

Like I said, it is the summer of Solitude. I'm looking forward to going back to school, getting away from all of this. Thinking back to this time last summer, I'm fairly certain I was obsessively preoccupied with the fact that things might turn out the way they indeed have. I don't really know what to do with that. And I'm sorry if all of this seems like unhappy overkill, it's just that getting it off my chest makes it easier to get off my ass and go to my shitty job. Then getting worked to the bone, leaving covered in hot water and every kind of sticky filth imaginable, rolling a joint in the parking lot, smoking it on the way home, then settling into the big, empty house and talking knowledgeably and at length to my cat, who is very dumb and really has no grasp on how to form and maintain any sort of being/being relationship. Had the idea of putting a bookshelf in the bathroom. Had the idea of invading my mom's paints while she's gone. Oh, whatever. This summer kind of sucks so far, and I'm fucking bored and fucking lonely and fucking sick of no one else bringing anything to the table.