I can try to toughen up

These past couple of days have been such excruciating, tiring doozies. I feel like something has absolutely wrung all the energy and spunk and life out of me. I need to start getting to bed by midnight on school nights, setting aside money for one decent dinner out a week, and just spending my money on things like fresh, healthy food instead of cigarettes and booze, strippers and Baby Grand Pianos. I need to start my day off with a croissant and cappuccino from Peckham's at a reasonable hour and not rely on a fiend-like amount of double espressos when I roll out of bed in the early evening. I waste too much of the day sleeping.

But, really, I'm doing okay. I'm learning. Although my spirits have been sort of in the sewer, and although the university isn't all that I hoped it to be, it's fun to be living alone in a city, any city. Hell, it's just fun to be on my own. Hanging around in my underwear all day on Saturdays and Sundays, reading, cat-napping, listening to nice music like She & Him, watching movies in bed and laughing at things to myself very loudly. I've taken this box of a room and created a nest of sorts out of it, and it is very cozy, especially compared to the outside, the goddamn freezing outside with the dangerously gusty wind. It's getting intolerably cold.

This morning I just jumped in a taxi instead of walking to class--a novel, warm decision, well worth the money, and, the more I think about it, what I perceive to be a must in regards to getting to my Tuesday morning English tutorials on time. It feels nice to treat myself to things like taxis on blistering mornings. Makes me feel like I'm doing an alright job of taking care of myself. Said tutorial was crap and I'd really care not to discuss it. Afterwards, I somehow ended up sitting around enjoying a cup of coffee and a joint with this guy from my tutorial, Dean, who ended up being a pretty interesting person. Plus, I think we managed to seek out the only sunny spot in Edinburgh--I couldn't remember the last time I sat in the sun.. in organic warmth, not radiator warmth. I look forward to many more post-tutorial, marijuana-induced chats with my new friend. What else happened today? I treated myself to a delicious sandwich from this deli that I knew had to be good judging from the line spilling out of it's door and down the block. What else had I to do but stand in a queue waiting for probably the freshest food I've eaten since I've been here (this consisted of avocado, smoked cheese, roasted red peppers, and a lot of other good stuff on the most divine cracked-wheat bread I have ever sunk my teeth into) and then proceed to consume it next to a friendly hobo on the sunny side of Nicolson Square? It was lovely. Tonight I went to the film society screening of The Great Dictator, just to hear Charlie Chaplin speak. He has a charming voice. Tomorrow I bite the bullet at buy a UK telephone. I like to think I'm not being swallowed, bit by bit, by this tartan serpent of a country.