And then, she thought, I shall get older

"She could take an apartment by herself in the Village. She would meet new people. She would entertain. But, she thought, if I have people for cocktails, there will always come the moment when they have to leave, and I will be alone and have to pretend to have another engagement in order to save embarrassment. If I have them to dinner, it will be the same thing, but at least I will not have to pretend to have an engagement. I shall give dinners. Then, she thought, there will be the cocktail parties, and, if I go alone, I shall always stay a little too late, hoping that a young man or even a party of people will ask me to dinner. And if I fail, if no one asks me, I shall have the ignominy of walking out alone, trying to look as if I had somewhere to go. Then there will be the evenings at home with a good book when there will be no reason at all for going to bed, and I shall perhaps sit up all night. And the mornings when there will be no point in getting up, and I shall perhaps stay in bed till dinnertime. There will be the dinners in tea rooms with other unmarried women, tea rooms because women alone look conspicuous and forlorn in good restaurants. And then, she thought, I shall get older." Mary McCarthy, "Cruel and Barbarous Treatment"

I read this story on the plane back from Edinburgh, and was startled by how perfectly this passage encapsulated all of my fears regarding the upcoming year. I am excited to be alone, and I'm proud to be alone--there is something about it that's thrilling and freeing, especially in the face of friends who've hurt you. But there is still that uneasiness, especially when I consider those dark winter months, and the omnipresent possibility that, perhaps, I shall always be alone.

Jesus died for somebody's sins, but not mine

Tell me about it, Norris Church

"The sex was always great. That was the glue that held all this mess together, or the honey.”[Norris Church Mailer, on life with Norman]

[The New York Times Magazine]

Today's Exceptional Shit

Moi aussi, Marianne

Shouldering their bags they trudged, the red Egyptians.

"Either way, it's legal to drive."

In the world of white collar day drinking, there are few rules. This is the slippery slope.

The Steeds of Mananaan

The semester is over. So much is changing, little things, but everything; great shifts are taking place, subtly, all the time. Nothing ends, it just progresses, adopts the form of something else. We like to think that the flux came unto us, that perhaps we can outgrow it, but we were born into it, and it will outlive us. But I do wonder if there comes a point when some things just become immutably certain. What is this evolutionary trajectory, and how does its shape shift slyly as it does.

"Through the barbicans the shafts of light are moving ever, slowly ever as my feet are sinking, creeping duskward over the dial floor." -Ulysses

Breakfast

I've been listening to pretty much this cycle of tracks every morning for the past week, and we all know breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I've been bumping all of these albums fairly heavily lately, especially the Pete Rock & Slum Village, and I'm quite fond of the new Gorillaz album--it's a funny little album, but somehow the whole Lou Reed/Mos Def hanging out at Koopa Troopa Beach thing manages to come off as refreshing; whimsical and subtle, for an experiment with jungle dub. It's unapologetically silly. Even the cheesy Snoop Dogg track is great. An excellent Madlib beat, some Of Montreal classics, etc. etc. Well balanced; twenty minutes of music is just enough time for a double espresso and a joint before class; good morning.

[Download]

1. Pete Rock f/ RZA & GZA - Head Rush - Soul Survivor II

2. Slum Village - 5 Ela Remix - Fan-Tas-Tic, Vol. 1

3. Gorillaz f/ Little Dragon - To Binge - Plastic Beach

4. Madlib - Dirty Hop (The Shuffle) - Beat Conducta, Vol. 5-6

5. Of Montreal - Mingusings - Skeletal Lamping

6. Of Montreal - So Begins Our Alabee - The Sunlandic Twins

7. Otis Redding - She's Alright

February, a month late